You are certainly welcome to read through this whole thing and confirm for yourself that it's pretty standard stuff like what iTunes and most porn sites use, OR you can review, word for word, the following terms and conditions ('Terms of Use') that govern your use and purchase of products (collectively, 'Use') of Extension765.com (collectively, 'our Site'), which we basically cut-and-pasted from somewhere else (you shouldn't even assume we've read this thing from beginning to end). BUT your Use of our Site constitutes your agreement to follow and be bound by the Terms of Use. So this is like a totally binding agreement like the kind lawyers and shit use. Think of it as OUR HOUSE, OUR RULES.
Please review the following terms and conditions ('Terms of Use') and our other policies that govern your visit to our Site and your use and purchase of products from our Site (collectively, 'Use'). Your Use of our Site constitutes your acceptance of, and agreement to follow and be bound by, such policies and by the Terms of Use. Extension 765, LTD reserves the right, at any time, to modify, alter or update our Site, policies and these Terms of Use.
Unless otherwise noted, the design of the Site, the Site as a whole, and all materials that are part of the Site (collectively, 'Contents') are copyrights, trademarks, trade dress or other intellectual properties owned, controlled or licensed by Extension 765, LTD or its subsidiaries and affiliates
We sort of welcome your comments and feedback regarding our Site, our products and our services, because we have to. We do not, however, accept confidential or proprietary information, because it could get us into trouble. The legal kind. Accordingly, all comments, feedback, ideas, suggestions, materials, information and other submissions disclosed, submitted or offered to Extension 765, LTD using this Site or otherwise (collectively, 'Comments') are not confidential and will become and remain Extension 765's property. Which means, in case that wasn't clear, we own that shit and can post it all day long! The disclosure, submission or offer of any Comments will constitute an assignment to Extension 765, LTD of all worldwide rights, titles and interests and goodwill in the Comments without payment of any compensation (this seems like a good deal for us). Comments submitted by you must not violate any right of any third party, and must not contain any libelous, abusive, obscene or otherwise unlawful material (this is known as the NOT COOL/NO ASSHOLE RULE). The Contents are intended solely for your personal, noncommercial use. Music may not be copied except only as necessary to access the Site. You may copy other Contents displayed on the Site for your personal, noncommercial use only (you should know we have real trust issues). No right, title or interest in any Contents is granted or transferred to you as a result of any such copying. Except as noted above, you may not reproduce, publish, transmit, distribute, display, modify, create derivative works from, sell or participate in any sale of, or exploit in any way, any of the Contents or the Site (but some of you will anyway, probably). Unauthorized use of the Contents is expressly prohibited by law, and may result in severe civil and criminal penalties. You might want to look up the word SEVERE, if you're thinking about screwing with us.
This Site may include links to other Internet sites maintained by third parties ('Linked Sites'). Extension 765, LTD provides Linked Sites to you solely as a convenience (you're welcome), and the inclusion of Linked Sites does not imply endorsement by Extension 765, LTD of the Linked Sites, so don't even go there. You access Linked Sites at your own risk and by accessing them you leave the Extension 765, LTD Site (b'bye!). Linked Sites are not under the control of Extension 765, LTD and Extension 765, LTD is not responsible for the contents of any Linked Site.
Merchandise availability on our website is not guaranteed as it may be low in stock, because this has not proven to be a money-making venture yet. If merchandise is not available by the time your order processes, we will notify you of this via e-mail. You can always verify availability by emailing service@extension765.com. You will receive a shipping confirmation e-mail once your items have shipped. We hope
Extension 765, LTD products displayed on the Site are quoted in U.S. dollars, unless otherwise indicated. Please note that while we have tried to accurately display the colors of products, the actual colors you see will depend on your monitor and may not be accurate. Fortunately, there's a lot of black-and-white stuff on the site too, so if you're paranoid about color translation, maybe you should stick to the monochrome shit. But you'll be missing out.
this is in all caps, so imagine someone reading it real loud:
EXCEPT AS OTHERWISE EXPRESSLY PROVIDED, THIS SITE, ALL CONTENTS AND ALL PRODUCTS AND SERVICES ARE PROVIDED ON AN 'AS IS' BASIS. EXTENSION765, LTD DISCLAIMS ALL WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION, IMPLIED WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY (is this a word?) AND FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. EXTENSION765, LTD DOES NOT WARRANT THAT YOUR USE OF THIS SITE WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED OR ERROR FREE (no shit), OR THAT THIS SITE OR ITS SERVER ARE FREE OF VIRUSES OR OTHER HARMFUL ELEMENTS (though we do wear gloves when handling merchandize). ALTHOUGH EXTENSION765, LTD ENDEAVORS TO PROVIDE ACCURATE INFORMATION, IT DOES NOT WARRANT OR MAKE ANY REPRESENTATIONS REGARDING THE ACCURACY OR RELIABILITY OF INFORMATION ON THIS SITE ("best efforts", lads). YOUR USE OF THE SITE IS AT YOUR OWN RISK (you may want to read that sentence again). NEITHER EXTENSION765, LTD NOR ITS AFFILIATED OR RELATED ENTITIES OR ITS VENDORS OR CONTENT PROVIDERS SHALL BE LIABLE TO ANY PERSON OR ENTITY FOR ANY DIRECT OR INDIRECT LOSS, DAMAGE (WHETHER ACTUAL, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE, SPECIAL OR OTHERWISE), INJURY, CLAIM, OR LIABILITY OF ANY KIND OR CHARACTER WHATSOEVER BASED UPON OR RESULTING FROM YOUR USE OR INABILITY TO USE THIS SITE, OR ANY INFORMATION OR MATERIALS PROVIDED ON THE SITE (wow. that kind of gives us like TOTAL power over you). EXTENSION765, LTD IS NOT LIABLE FOR ANY DEFAMATORY, OFFENSIVE OR ILLEGAL CONDUCT OF ANY USER. IF YOU ARE DISSATISFIED WITH THE SITE OR ANY MATERIALS ON THE SITE, OR WITH ANY OF EXTENSION 765'S TERMS OF USE, YOUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY IS TO DISCONTINUE USING THE SITE (well, i guess you could write shitty tweets about us or something. but we have a lot of time on our hands and might tweet your ass right back). YOU AGREE TO INDEMNIFY, DEFEND AND HOLD HARMLESS EXTENSION765, LTD, ITS SHAREHOLDERS, OFFICERS, DIRECTORS, EMPLOYEES, AGENTS, DISTRIBUTORS, VENDORS AND AFFILIATES FROM AND AGAINST ANY AND ALL THIRD PARTY CLAIMS, DEMANDS, LIABILITIES, COSTS OR EXPENSES, INCLUDING REASONABLE ATTORNEYS' FEES, RESULTING OR ARISING OUT OF YOUR BREACH OF ANY OF THESE TERMS OF USE (this makes us sound a lot bigger than we actually are).
Think of this as the NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE clause. Basically, these Terms of Use constitute an agreement that is effective unless and until terminated with extreme prejudice by Extension 765, LTD. If in Extension 765, LTD's sole discretion you fail to comply with any term or provision of this agreement, Extension 765, LTD may totally deny you access to the Site. Can you imagine? If this happens, you are no longer authorized to access the Site, and the restrictions imposed upon you with respect to material copied or downloaded, and the disclaimers and limitations of liabilities set forth in these Terms of Use, shall continue in force, and we mean like gale wind force, brother. These Terms of Use constitute the entire agreement between you and Extension 765, LTD relating to the subject matter addressed herein. Console yourself with the fact our relationship isn't physical.
The law applicable to the interpretation and construction of these Terms of Use and any transaction (including purchases made on this Site) using or related to the Site, shall be the laws of the State of New York, USA without regard to principles of conflict of laws (okay, that actually makes no sense, in our opinion. But it's in there anyway). You agree that all matters relating to your access to or use of the Site, including all disputes, will be governed by the laws of the United States and by the laws of the State of New York. All proceedings relating to the Site, these Terms of Use, or any transaction, including the sale of any products, using this Site, shall be brought only in the state or federal courts of New York, New York, USA, and you and Extension 765, LTD do hereby consent to the jurisdiction and venue of such courts.
We can't even afford that thing where you have to hit I AGREE.
Welcome to the most exciting part of Extension 765! As a customer of Extension 765, your trust is our second most important asset, after your money. We take the protection and proper use of your personal information totally seriously and are like COMMITTED to protecting your personal information in our possession. It's really quite true! In order to preserve your trust/money, we want you to understand what personally identifiable or personal information we may collect from you, how we "use" such information, and the "choices" you have regarding our use of this information! And not just because we have to--it's the law! Ready? Here we go: The following discloses our information collection, use and dissemination practices for Extension765.com, a website of Extension 765 LTD. Effective Date: This Privacy Policy was last updated on April 23, 2013 and is subject to change at any time. Just imagine a really unstable friend that hasn't quite dialed in their meds yet.
In this policy, the words "we", "our", and "us" refer to the Extension 765 "family" of companies and the phrases "personally identifiable information" or "personal information" mean any information by which you can be identified or contacted, such as your "name" (first and last), address (city, state, zip), e-mail address, telephone number, etc. Is that not super clear?
We--and the entire Extension 765 "family" of companies, which number precisely zero--are obsessed with collecting personally identifiable information about you and what you do. Stuff like:
We may also collect personal information about you from other third parties, such as demographic firms or friends of yours who talk too much when they drink, to make our future service and marketing efforts more efficient and totally personalized for you. We also gather certain information automatically and store it in log files, which burn very cleanly. For example, this information may include Internet Protocol (IP) addresses or other device identifiers, browser information, Internet Service Provider (ISP), operating system, location, date/time stamp and clickstream data. If that all sounds really intimidating, it's because it should.
It's pretty much a classic case of you give and we take. We take the personal information we collect to conduct our business and to provide you with the best possible products, services and experience. I mean, why else would we want this stuff? We might share your personally identifiable information with other members of the Extension 765 "family" of companies--it's totally up to us!--and with service providers that provide support services to us or that help us market our products and services. But really, doesn't using words like "family" make you feel better? By the way, service providers/third parties who perform services on our behalf are contractually restricted from using your information in any manner other than in helping us to provide you with the products and services available from Extension 765, but you can't control everything everybody does in this world, can you? No, you can't. We may also, in certain instances, disclose your personally identifiable information when we have reason to believe that it is necessary to identify you, contact you, or bring legal action--which is really fun and expensive!--to protect your rights or the rights of Extension 765 or others. We may also disclose your personally identifiable information when you ask us to do so or when we believe it is required by law. But that's really it.
One of our most valuable "tools" we have for building and maintaining our "relationship" with you is Your Personal Account. It allows us to do things a BFF should do, like keeping you informed on when your product will arrive, and notifying you about sales, special appearances and store events or promotions of interest to us. Whoops. We mean YOU! ANYWAY! We record and access information in Your Personal Account, including your name, address, telephone numbers, e-mail address, interests, privacy preferences, purchase history, shoe size, hair color and vocal ability, which all seems totally reasonable and innocent. All Extension 765 representatives are expected to use Your Personal Account in an ethical and appropriate manner, but the hiring process is an imperfect one, and sometimes a weirdo can convince you initially that he/she isn't weird. Have you noticed that? These "employees" are supposed to only enter accurate customer information, voluntarily given by you to the them, for the specific purpose of entering it into Your Personal Account or any other Extension 765-approved data device (the key phrase there is "supposed to"). Now, that may strike you as ominous, but really your Personal Account allows our peeps to follow through on our commitment to serving you in a professional manner, and we are "dedicated" to ensuring that the information you provide is "protected" and "secure". Your Personal Account is the property of Extension 765 and may be used for Extension 765-related purposes only. Uh-huh. Sure.
Extension 765 "offers" mobile applications (commonly known as "apps") that "allow" you to shop online, check product availability, learn about store events, or receive other information from Extension 765. All personal information collected by Extension 765 via our mobile application is protected by this Privacy Policy. Try reading this shit on your phone! You can't!
Although you do not have to "provide" your location information to Extension 765 to use our mobile applications, our store-specific services such as find-an-item require a zip code to function, so don't get all I-don't-want-anyone-to-know-where-I-am on us. You may manually enter a zip code and we will save your zip code(s) for future reference, because the technology we employ is fucking intergalactic. Alternatively, when you "download" our mobile application, you may choose to allow it to obtain your precise location from your mobile device when you click the "near me" button. Or not. Whatever. But if you do, we will determine your zip code from the precise location data received from your mobile device. We do not store precise location data because we only have this one little flash drive running our entire business; we only store the zip code associated with the location. We may also "update" our mobile applications to offer automatic (or "push") notifications. We will provide push notifications only to those "customers" who opt-in to receive such notifications from Extension 765. If you have questions about location and notification privacy, please contact your mobile service provider or the manufacturer of you device to learn how to adjust your settings, because we're really getting tired of talking about this.
In the "future", we may offer updated or enhanced versions of our mobile applications that include additional "features" created by us or using third party functionality. Our applications or the third party may automatically collect information about your precise location from your device, but only if you allow it, so relax.
Look, we did a whole thing on cookies in our FAQ section, and we were pretty happy we what we said. In fact, we're just gonna cut and paste that right here:
Our current, steam-powered platform requires that your browser be set to accept cookies to access certain features. Here's a question for you: If we were to say that cookies are small bits of information that are sent by a website to be stored in your web browser, so that the cookie can later be read back from your browser the next time you return to that website, would you even know what the hell we were talking about? If so, then maybe you could it explain to us. Our tech lady says the cookie is saved as a text file in the browser's directory and is stored in RAM while the browser is running, and that the cookie may be stored on the computer's hard drive once you leave the website, but she lost us with this kind of talk awhile ago. The site is up, so she must know something. Rest assured Extension765.com is committed to looking like we are improving your experience with our website, and cookies are currently the only way to effectively identify a unique anonymous visitor and understand how they navigate our website. An anonymous visitor to our site remains anonymous in all cases, in addition to being really annoying, like those people who read magazines without paying for them. We do not attempt to identify visitors if they do not voluntarily register on our website or place an order, even though we find such behavior VERY SUSPICIOUS. Really, why don't you want us to know who you are? We have been told again and again cookies cannot be used to retrieve personal data from your hard drive, install a virus, get your e-mail address, or obtain any information about who you are, but that just sounds like something we would say to make you feel better. In theory, we only use the information that we gather from the use of cookies to understand usage patterns, offer personalized features, or to isolate problems experienced by visitors to our website, and even if they could be used for other purposes, we wouldn't know what they are.
The bottom line is the use of cookies is a standard Internet practice and most major websites use them. And let's be clear: we are a MAJOR website. Our tech lady says, cheerfully, "Cookies are good!" This is because they allow us to:
We're continuing to talk about this even though we shouldn't have to because apparently some people have very serious issues with cookies (these are the kind of people that talk about being "off the grid", and won't look you in the eye). Or maybe you just need to know more because you're that kind of person. Or maybe you really don't have anything else going right now. Supposedly, a cookie is a small data file that websites often store on your computer's hard drive when you visit their websites, and may contain information (such as a unique user ID) that is used to track the pages of the websites you've visited. That sure sounds plausible to us. This information is stored in a safe and secure database, which, as we said, is housed in a super secret location on the surface of the moon. Seriously, we only use cookies in order to improve your shopping experience. We actually don't even like them--they're a total pain in the ass--but we use them anyway because when you visit Extension765.com, your cookie helps us keep track of your order as you shop at our website. AND, if you have saved your information with us, your cookie totally allows us to like recognize you when you return to our website and provides you with like total access to your account information! Also, it seems totally likely if you saved your information with or order from us, we could use cookies to monitor and maintain information about your use of our website. Here's something else that's likely: If you have not saved your information with or ordered from us, we may monitor and maintain information about your use of our website in a manner that does not identify you. But when you really, really think about it, like scrunch your forehead, it's obvious this information helps us serve you better by improving our website design, as well as our products, services and promotions. Right? But there's another way to look at it: We may also use cookies to track and maintain the identity of the website you visited immediately prior to ours to further improve our website design and to fulfill contracts with our business partners. Did you ever think about that? If so, you might think we track information about your use of other websites. But we don't. We couldn't even if we wanted to. But we don't want to. And hey, it's a free country, and
you can refuse cookies by turning them off in your browser. But you know what happens when you do that? What happens is we will not be able to track your order or enable you to make a purchase from our website. And we won't be able to recognize you as a signed-up user to allow you access to your account information. Is that really how you want to go through life? Unrecognizable?
Okay, but our tech lady says you should know this: If you are shopping on Extension765.com using Internet Explorer 7.0 or later and are having difficulty accessing the website, check your privacy settings in your browser and set them to Medium. If you do not wish to change your privacy settings to Medium and you are currently using the Medium High or High settings, you may choose to override your current cookie handling practices for individual websites that you specify. But if you're as paranoid as everyone thinks you are, just forget it.
But mostly we just hate the word "cookie".
Pretty much your worst nightmare, if you hate the idea of being watched, tracked, surveilled, or analyzed by Google, because we use Google Analytics, Google AdWords Conversion tracker, Google Display Advertising, Google Remarketing and other Google services that place cookies on a browser across the website. Make no mistake, like everything else in this world, these cookies are set and read by Google. If you really feel like breaking into a flop sweat, please visit this page. To opt out of Google tracking (Ha! Good luck!), please visit this page. We may use Google Remarketing to market our sites across the web, because they basically own our asses. We and third-party vendors, including Google, use first-party cookies (such as the Google Analytics cookie) and third-party cookies (such as the DoubleClick cookie) together to inform, optimize, and serve ads based on someone’s past visits to our website, which may be the most sinister sentence ever committed to print, if it weren't for this one: We place a cookie on a browser, and then a 3rd party (Google) reads these cookies and may serve an ad on a 3rd party site. You may opt out of this ad serving on Google’s opt out page. If you are concerned about 3rd party cookies served by networks, you should also visit the Network Advertising Initiative opt-out page, the Google Ads Preferences Manager, and the Google Analytics Opt-out Browser Add-on. As a company we find all of this stuff terrifying, but apparently it's the only way to learn about our customers and be all 21st Century and shit.
Look, we're cool with you "sharing" your likes, finds and purchases with your friends using Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram, etc., BUT if you choose to use these tools, you may be sharing certain "profile elements", including your "comments". This sharing is subject to each social media program's privacy policies, which means you may have to read another piece of bullshit like this if you haven't already. Our theory is that no one really knows what they're giving up anymore anyway. We do also "use" Facebook Social Plugins to allow Facebook to share information and friends' activities with its members while they are on our website, because they're as piggy as Google when it comes to their shit. Don't believe us? Well, Social Plugins allow Facebook to show you and your friends' "Likes" on our product pages if you are logged into Facebook while shopping at Extension765.com. Does that seem fair to you? But Extension 765 does not receive or control any of the content from Facebook Social Plugins. Does that seem fair to us? To remove a Facebook "Like" through Extension 765, place your cursor in the "grayed out" Like button and click on the "X" that appears (who knows, maybe it will even work!). Theoretically, this removes the "Like" from your Facebook Page, as well as from Extension 765's websites. You can also delete comments made while at Extension 765.com from your Facebook Page. And hey: Good luck with that, too. We may allow you to sign in to your Extension 765.com account using Facebook Connect, because it's some new feature they came up with, but if you choose to do this, we may collect information necessary to facilitate social interactions such as friend lists, birthday, check-ins, basic profile information and your profile picture but only if the privacy settings you and your friends set within Facebook allow it. Seriously though, we don't have enough people to follow what you're up to, and this is a niche business anyway. We MIGHT use the information we collect to create and facilitate an interactive social experience and to bring you products, services and programs from Extension 765, but don't count on it. Extension 765 will always comply both with its privacy policy as well as with Facebook Connect terms regarding use of Facebook profile information. Always. Because that's how we roll.
It's like this: If we link you to shit, it doesn't mean we endorse it, and when you link to that shit, you've left our site (where you are safe and warm), and we can't help what happens to you, and if something does happen to you, it ain't on us. Every site has it's own rules, and they may not be as cool as we are, so watch out.
You not supposed to be here if your under 18, although we don't understand that at all what with the shit that's on TV and David Ortiz dropping the F-bomb at the Red Sox game. But, that being said, don't help some kid get on this site. We can't have kids here (because of the booze, maybe?) and we don't want their info. If we find out there's a kid on this site, they're toast.
Again, we are going to cut and paste from our FAQ, cuz this shit is getting redundant. Do we want to protect our shit and your information? Hells yes. So we're using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) to encrypt your credit card number, name and address, so only we can pour over your information and find out what you're really up to. If that's still not enough, look at the bottom status bar of your browser window. If you see an unbroken key or a closed lock (depending on your browser) the SSL is active and your information is secure. Most browsers offer additional security alerts, as well, but we find that the very word "browser" makes us feel very insecure indeed. With regard to "overall security", we always use industry standard encryption technologies when transferring and receiving data exchanged with our site, and we all know how well that works. The facilities that house our servers are physically secured to protect against the loss, misuse or alteration of all data and information collected, although we have absolutely no idea where they are--they won't tell us. Maybe they're in orbit?
If you're super paranoid, review your account and immediately report any unexpected activity to Extension 765 and your issuing bank or credit card company. Additionally, we are asking all our customers to "take measures" to help protect personal information in their online accounts, including the following:
We are in your life now, and we are never going to let you forget it. If you don't want that, Opt-Out: Extension765.com provides the option to remove your information from our database at any time. If you are on our promotional lists and would like to be removed, simply send an email to service@Extension765.com with “Unsubscribe” as the subject line and we will totally respect your choice (even though it's wrong) in wanting to unsubscribe to marketing communications from then on. Please allow up to 10 days for your email to be removed from our database. Did we say days? We meant years.
You may come in contact with websites, e-mails or texts that try to lure/seduce/cajole/browbeat you into providing personal information with the offer of a Extension 765 gift card. There is no such thing! Extension 765 does not sponsor these offers nor are we affiliated with the promotion originators. We're hermits! If you become aware of any potentially fraudulent activity on a website or in an e-mail or text, please forward the information to service@Extension765.com so that we can follow up. We take these matters, and the protection of our customers' sensitive information, so seriously you wouldn't fucking believe it.
As we continue to develop our "business", we may undergo a business "transition" such as acquiring another company, merging with an existing company, or selling a portion of our "assets". But we seriously doubt it. However, in such transitions, customer information is typically one of the business assets that is transferred or acquired by a third party, and let's face it: You people are special. In the (very) unlikely event that Extension 765, LTD or substantially all of its assets are acquired or enter a court proceeding, you acknowledge that such transfers may occur and that your Personal Information can continue to be used as set forth in this Privacy Policy. But really, this is very unlikely. We're just going to keep saying that until you believe it.
This "policy" would replace all previous disclosures we may have provided you about our information practices, if we'd ever had such a thing before, which we haven't. We do reserve the right to change this policy as often as the weather if we fucking want to, and to apply any changes to information previously collected, as permitted by the actual law, dude. If there are material changes to this policy or our information practices "change" in the future, they will be posted on our website as appropriate and will be effective from the nanosecond of posting. Extension765.com is operated in the United States, which is an island off the coast of Manhattan.
If you are located outside the United States, any information you provide to us will be transferred to the United States, and by using our website or otherwise providing us with information, you hereby consent to this transfer. Now, only you know if that is going to get you thrown into a dark room and questioned by Jessica Chastain, so think about that. Although personal information collected by us through our website, emails, mail, fax, and telephone is used by us in accordance with this privacy policy, laws generally applicable to the protection of personal data in the U.S. may not be as stringent as those in other countries. In fact, they probably aren't. If you submit data to us about other individuals, you agree, and we assume, that you have obtained consent from each such individual to the submission, transfer and processing of the information. Seems like a lot of work, though.
If you're not "comfortable" shopping online (and would prefer to make your purchase via telephone), sorry we can't help in that department. Our Customer Service Representatives will be happy to assist you. But we do not encourage this. Really. We don't have the time. Because of that, Extension 765 Direct may link to unaffiliated third party websites. Like we said before, this Privacy Policy does not apply to unaffiliated third party websites.
If you have questions regarding our Privacy Policy please contact us at:
Extension 765
101 West 23rd St., #221
New York, NY 10011
service@Extension765.com
The examples contained in this Privacy Policy are illustrations only, and are not intended to be exhaustive. But they sure fucking felt like it.
Answer: 1: Think really, really hard about where your order MIGHT be, then wait to see if you're right. Answer 2: Sign in to your account and review the complete Order History of all your EXT765 Orders. We suggest Option 2, because life is short.
Answer: God, you're such a pill sometimes. Why you gotta do me like this? Here's the deal: All items at EXT765 are final sale, BUT, our T-shirts can be swapped out for a different size if the size you ordered does not fit because you think you're thinner than you really are. If you really want more information (which seems likely if you've read this far), see our Returns & Exchange policy. But don't make us come over there.
Answer: The US government is totally up our ass about this stuff. Apparently it depends where your order is being shipped to. If your shipping address is within the state of NY there will be sales tax on certain items. Or not. We're not sure. Please stop asking.
Answer: We would like to, but we're too lazy. And poor. We have plans to expand shipping to Canada, the United Kingdom and Australia by the end of 2013, but then again we also have plans to buy the state of Rhode Island, and that's more of a priority. Stay tuned for updates.
Answer: Unfortunately, we do not accept beads, beans, barley, beer, bananas, or people named Byron. We do accept something called a "credit card", which is issued by various companies with inspiring names like Visa, MasterCard, JCB, American Express and Discover Network.
Answer: Dude, we've got one word for you: HACKERS. Do we want to protect our shit and your information? Hells yes. So we're using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) to encrypt your credit card number, name and address, so only we can pour over your information and find out what you're really up to. If that's still not enough, look at the bottom status bar of your browser window. If you see an unbroken key or a closed lock (depending on your browser) the SSL is active and your information is secure. Most browsers offer additional security alerts, as well, but we find that the very word "browser" makes us feel very insecure indeed. With regard to "overall security", we always use industry standard encryption technologies when transferring and receiving data exchanged with our site, and we all know how well that works. The facilities that house our servers are physically secured to protect against the loss, misuse or alteration of all data and information collected, although we have absolutely no idea where they are--they won't tell us. Maybe they're in orbit?
Answer: Because, lame-o, ordering from our site requires the use of an SSL-compliant browser, so you've gotta get your shit correct. We recommend--actually, we INSIST--using Microsoft Internet Explorer 8.0 or later, Firefox 3.5 or later, Safari 4.0 or later or Google Chrome 2.0 or later. If you are using earlier versions than the browsers listed here, we don't know where the hell you've been lately and can't guarantee that all of our site features will work correctly. So think about that. Also, your browser preferences must be set to accept cookies, cookie.
Answer: We just told you that! YES! Our current, steam-powered platform requires that your browser be set to accept cookies to access certain features. Here's a question for you: If we were to say that cookies are small bits of information that are sent by a website to be stored in your web browser, so that the cookie can later be read back from your browser the next time you return to that website, would you even know what the hell we were talking about? If so, then maybe you could it explain to us. Our tech lady says the cookie is saved as a text file in the browser's directory and is stored in RAM while the browser is running, and that the cookie may be stored on the computer's hard drive once you leave the website, but she lost us with this kind of talk awhile ago. The site is up, so she must know something. Rest assured
Extension765.com is committed to looking like we are improving your experience with our website, and cookies are currently the only way to effectively identify a unique anonymous visitor and understand how they navigate our website. An anonymous visitor to our site remains anonymous in all cases, in addition to being really annoying, like those people who read magazines without paying for them. We do not attempt to identify visitors if they do not voluntarily register on our website or place an order, even though we find such behavior VERY SUSPICIOUS. Really, why don't you want us to know who you are? We have been told again and again cookies cannot be used to retrieve personal data from your hard drive, install a virus, get your e-mail address, or obtain any information about who you are, but that just sounds like something we would say to make you feel better. In theory, we only use the information that we gather from the use of cookies to understand usage patterns, offer personalized features, or to isolate problems experienced by visitors to our website, and even if they could be used for other purposes, we wouldn't know what they are.
The bottom line is the use of cookies is a standard Internet practice and most major websites use them. And let's be clear: we are a MAJOR website. Our tech lady says, cheerfully, "Cookies are good!" This is because they allow us to:
We're continuing to talk about this even though we shouldn't have to because apparently some people have very serious issues with cookies (these are the kind of people that talk about being "off the grid", and won't look you in the eye). Or maybe you just need to know more because you're that kind of person. Or maybe you really don't have anything else going right now. Supposedly, a cookie is a small data file that websites often store on your computer's hard drive when you visit their websites, and may contain information (such as a unique user ID) that is used to track the pages of the websites you've visited. That sure sounds plausible to us. This information is stored in a safe and secure database, which, as we said, is housed in a super secret location on the surface of the moon. Seriously, we only use cookies in order to improve your shopping experience. We actually don't even like them--they're a total pain in the ass--but we use them anyway because when you visit Extension765.com, your cookie helps us keep track of your order as you shop at our website. AND, if you have saved your information with us, your cookie totally allows us to like recognize you when you return to our website and provides you with like total access to your account information! Also, it seems totally likely if you saved your information with or order from us, we could use cookies to monitor and maintain information about your use of our website. Here's something else that's likely: If you have not saved your information with or ordered from us, we may monitor and maintain information about your use of our website in a manner that does not identify you. But when you really, really think about it, like scrunch your forehead, it's obvious this information helps us serve you better by improving our website design, as well as our products, services and promotions. Right? But there's another way to look at it: We may also use cookies to track and maintain the identity of the website you visited immediately prior to ours to further improve our website design and to fulfill contracts with our business partners. Did you ever think about that? If so, you might think we track information about your use of other websites. But we don't. We couldn't even if we wanted to. But we don't want to. And hey, it's a free country, and
you can refuse cookies by turning them off in your browser. But you know what happens when you do that? What happens is we will not be able to track your order or enable you to make a purchase from our website. And we won't be able to recognize you as a signed-up user to allow you access to your account information. Is that really how you want to go through life? Unrecognizable?
Okay, but our tech lady says you should know this: If you are shopping on Extension765.com using Internet Explorer 7.0 or later and are having difficulty accessing the website, check your privacy settings in your browser and set them to Medium. If you do not wish to change your privacy settings to Medium and you are currently using the Medium High or High settings, you may choose to override your current cookie handling practices for individual websites that you specify. But if you're as paranoid as everyone thinks you are, just forget it.
Mostly we just hate the word "cookie".
Answer: Cuz our shit sells like crazy, yo! Plus there's only two of us. Most of the time one, actually. And we have like totally limited inventory because it's stupid to have stuff laying around. But we will get your stuff to you eventually, and you will not be charged until the item ships even though it would be really beneficial to us to have that money right now. We will provide you with an approximate ship date for your item(s) at the time you make your selection, but managing expectations is a sign of maturity. We'll let you know when we know when your stuff is going out.
Answer: If you feel like there's weird shit going on, like you're being asked for personal info that seems irrelevant or some bogus charity or whatever, forward the information to service@extension765.com so that we can follow up. Because we hate that.
All items at Extension765.com are like totally final sale, and if that's not clear to you, maybe you should look up the word FINAL in your Word dictionary. Just so we're not total dicks, though, you can exchange a T-shirt for a different size (even though you made the mistake because you don't know how big you are!) if we have the desired size in stock and the item has not been worn or used (well, you had to try it on to see if it fit, but if you like, SWEATED in it, we're sending it back). Please email service@extension765.com to check on available inventory and see if your item qualifies before you get all emotional and shit. We here at Extension765 are a small operation (even saying WE is kind of a stretch) and have like totally limited inventory. Manage your expectations when dealing with us--you'll be happier. If you have any questions or need assistance please email us at info@extension765.com. Enjoy your ability to read!