Original

Lance Miggins

An Open Letter to You, the Customer. It's a simple fact that some people crack under pressure, Dhe1 and most of those people are employed here. This is entirely by design, as we have been tasked by the National Institutes of Mental Health to devise new ways in which to break people down, destroy their spirit, and steal their sense of dignity and hide where it will never be found. Also, by removing any potential "safe zone" from the employee's life, there is no opportunity for them to re-build their image or "heal".

It's our view (and the US Government's view as well) that only by unlocking the secret of complete self-annihilation can we get people to Dhe5 do what we need them to do without slowing things down with stuff like questions and meals.

It's actually an exciting field of study, and when you consider NIMH is paying us in the mid-seven figures to freely experiment on our employees, it's really a win/win situation all around.

Dhe4 As you can see, the Extension 765 physical production and fulfillment center feels more like a school campus than a cutting-edge technology hub, probably because we have a basketball court where the shipping department should be.

Dhe3

And in case you're wondering, the smiles and relaxed affect on display in these photographs are completely fake—I am standing just out of frame with a loaded gun.

Amazing what people can accomplish with the right kind of encouragement!

Dhe2

In any event, it should be obvious to you by now that everyone here at Extension 765 is focused on providing the kind of products and services you associate with actual, legitimate companies. Rest assured, we know quality when we see it, and if we ever do, you'll be the first to know!

Enjoy our site!

Sincerely,
Lance Miggins

Assistant Deputy Associate of Corporate Policy, Communications, and Personnel (ADACPCP), Extension 765.

← Back to DHE