Original

Division of Human Engineering

An Open Letter To You, The Customer.

Hi. They told me to write a letter so I'm writing it. They even gave me a book about letter-writing to read—well, it's more like a pamphlet—called MAKE YOUR LETTERS SELL, to help me. On page 12 it says, "business letters should be personal", but I'm not sure how personal to get until this lawsuit thing is settled. What I do know is Mr. Miggins is gone and the pamphlet says I shouldn't use unfriendly words like "inferior", "negligent", "ignorant", or "dishonest" because it might offend the reader, so I won't. The bottom line is I got offered his job, and I don't have time to worry about what people think about that because this company was going off the rails until a few days ago (OUT OF STOCK, anyone?), and I aim to get it back on track. So here's what I'm doing: We are expanding our facilities in order to ship internationally (see picture below). This is one of the things Mr. Miggins tried unsuccessfully to do by spending hundreds of thousands of dollars in cash on "lobbyists" when it turned out we didn't need President Obama to sign off on this at all like he said.

What happened to all that money is one of the things we're trying to figure out, but in the mean time, the suffering of the seven international customers wanting t-shirts will come to an end. Speaking of suffering customers, we just took receipt of an appropriately large shipment of t-shirts, which means we can not only fill all the back orders, but hopefully won't have the OUT OF STOCK disaster happen again (apparently, in addition to not being able to hold his liquor, Mr. Miggins couldn't count).

I'm also getting rid of the non-movie related photography, because nobody is buying it and it's officially become embarrassing. I'm personally very worried there isn't going to be enough new stuff to keep people coming to the site, and when I've asked Mr. Soderbergh (who now wants to be called "Dr. Soderbergh" because of some honorary degree he got)

when these headphones, books, records, and whatever else he keeps touting will show up, he just kind of smiles.

Supposedly there are more t-shirt designs forthcoming, but even I can't confirm that. I do know from experience that if I call Mr./Dr. Soderbergh after 8pm EST I shouldn't expect a coherent conversation. But he did task me to do this job, and I'm going to do it until I am told otherwise. I believe communication is key and I will try to keep you, the customer, informed about everything that's happening here at Extension 765 that isn't covered by attorney/client privilege. The pamphlet says, "The world loves a cheerful writer", so I want you to picture me with a big smile on my face, while remembering it's just a picture in your mind and not really real.

Piece
Olestra Bluray

Latest:

No. 14 Memo

If you read these emails, you know it’s my job to bring you information about Extension765.com, and I have done that diligently for the last nine months.

No. 13 Memo

enor Cagamilliones, aka Mr/Dr Soderbergh, has once again dug into his closet of cinematic flotsam and jetsam in order to share his interests/beliefs/opinions with...

No. 12 Memo

By now you’re wondering if Extension 765 even exists anymore. Well, I’m here to tell you: barely. The entire company was wiped out by the flu starting in December.

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